tw homicide

Queer is… (Negative)

Fear,
When you are five
it might be the name of
the monster under your bed
or maybe
the way kids look at you funny.

Fear,
at age twelve
It might be the boogie man
watching you from your closet.
Or maybe
it’s the same kids in the locker room
talking about you.

Fear,
now you are 15,
it might be a movie,
like Saw or Scream,
Or maybe
it’s the teachers
who refuse to see
how broken you are.

Fear,
age 20,
it is the feeling of alone
No family.
No friends.
No life.

Death,
age 21,
is the reaper coming
in the form of three guys
at a bar
coming at you with knives
or maybe
it’s yourself
already disconnected from life.

Sadness,
the flowers that the people who loved you
leave for you.
Your mother, watching the days
knowing you won’t be back.
Your father, looking at the football
and regretting calling you
a fag when you refused to play.
Your sister, hugging her pillow every night
wishing you were there instead.
Your brother, keeping everything inside
bottled up because
He doesn’t want to end up like you.
Your best friend, who keeps looking at their phone
but knows
you won’t text
or call.
Or be there at all.

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